“Fat” vs “Skinny”

I’ve made no secret to the fact that I used to be a very unhealthy person. I hate the word “obese”… it’s so clinical and cold. But, there’s no other word to describe what I was for 20 years of my life. I wasn’t “curvy” or “voluptuous” or “big-boned” <–that one was always a favorite.

No, I was just fat.

Image
Me in 2000.

As a Fat girl my inner monologue on dieting was, “Okay, Laura… you just have to suffer for a little bit: Eat gross healthy food, exercise, lose the weight, and then you can go back to normal. Just suck it up for a year or so and then you can stop.”

Are you laughing yet? πŸ™‚

Now, as an average weight girl (Because I’m so not “skinny”), I know that mentality could not be FARTHER from the truth!

I have to work on my weight and health every single $#@*@&% day! It’s annoying!

Every single day is a challenge: What am I going eat? What kind of events are coming up this week where I’m going to be around junk food? What workout am I going to do tonight? What’s my work schedule? How am I going to fit in a workout after I get home from work at 9pm when I just want to crash? What about Hubs? I have to make time for him and our sons and family functions and on and on it goes…

I have to consciously be aware of all this all the time and plan accordingly. If I didn’t… that above picture would be “Me, present day.”

When I met my husband a horrible thing happened… I was happy! πŸ™‚ We went on dates, and out to eat, and to social events, etc., etc… We had MONEY! And, long story short (too late, I know!), some weight started to creep back on. It wasn’t much… just about 7lbs or so. However, for a person like me 7lbs can easily turn into 70! I had to nip it in the bud and right away. As much as I may complain about dwelling on my weight and forever worrying about food and exercise, it’s something I have to do because the alternative is obesity. I can honestly say I’d rather be dead than go back to the “old” Laura.

3 years later, and I’m STILL struggling with those stupid 7lbs!!!! Ugh! So, I did what anyone else would do: I called my doctor and BEGGED her for appetite suppressants πŸ™‚ She gave in and prescribed narcotic-strength ones and they are amazing! If I could take them for the rest of my life, I would… but I can’t 😦 I only have a week’s supply left and I’ve only lost 9lbs. It’s taken me 3 months to lose 9lbs (and that’s fluctuated and plateaued!). THAT, my friends is the reason for this rant today. Even with pills I have to work at my weight!

It’s just a little depressing. I’m the lightest I’ve ever been (in the 130s) and I still feel like that fat girl in the picture. Will I ever be happy with myself?

Anyway, it’s a struggle…. a necessary one, but a struggle nonetheless. And, when I get down about it like I have been lately, the last thing I want to do is sew myself cute new clothes.

I went to Goodwill yesterday and scored some amazing finds for .99 cents a piece. Glorious refashions are soon to come, I promise. In the meantime… I’m still pouting.

πŸ™‚

3 thoughts on ““Fat” vs “Skinny”

    1. Thanks, Sandy πŸ™‚ I wasn’t “shooting” for being inspirational… I was just so sick of my own body I had to make a change lol. I’m glad it’s inspired you. When you’re ready to make that mind/body connection, it’ll happen for you too! Don’t give up.

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